August 17, 2016

From Meh to Hanging in There

I've opened a new post and starred at the blinking curser about a dozen times now. I usually feel compelled to write as an outlet - it's the reason I started blogging again. But this past week...nothing.

I cannot express my love of Gemma Correll's work enough. The Meh-Maid has definitely been me lately.

Last week I struggled with a 5-day long migraine. I've had migraines since I was a child. They're nothing new to me. However, I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone to bed with a migraine and woken up it still lingering the next day. And 5 days? That's never happened to me and I hope it never happens again. I was miserable and completely useless.

This past weekend and this week have been wracked with depression. I'm finally feeling better this morning, but damn. I was sad and withdrawn in a major way. My mom called me on Sunday and then texted me Monday to make sure I was ok because she could tell something was wrong. I guess I'm failing at "fake it 'til you make it." I'm slowly learning that my feelings and what I'm going through is ok. I've packed up my entire house, said goodbye to my family and friends, moved states away with my boyfriend, moved into a new house, got a new job, am struggling with making new friends, and lost my cat all within a two month span. I've dealt with a lot the last few months and I'll overcome this, too.

That said, I started going to therapy. I share this because there is no shame in seeing a counselor. None. I have chosen not to seek medication for my depression (I've tried it and it doesn't jive with me well), so talking is, for me, the next best thing. And it's helping! Talking to a third party helps my cloudy mind feel clearer. I'm learning valuable skills and unpacking a lot of things I've never talked to anyone (professionally) about before.

I also started bullet journaling. I was feeling pretty ambivalent about it until I read something that said it was for people who love to make lists and have bits of paper and sticky notes all over the place with notes and things to do. That's me! I've really liked having a single space for to-do lists, monthly goals/gratitude, things I want to remember (this is huge for me because I have such a bad memory), planning pages, and lists upon lists. It can be as simple or complex as you want it to be, and I love that. I've really enjoyed keeping my bullet journal and, as a perpetual quitter, I've been doing it for a solid 3 weeks now. Once I'm a few more months in I'll share my experience here.

I've been reading a ton and choosing to read over spending time on my phone or watching TV. This is a biggie for me because I'm a total glutton for TV. I went to the library and came home with a stack of 8 books, determined to get through most of them within my check-out period. That was a week ago and I'm on my second book. My real success meter lies in the fact that one of my favorite shows just put a new season on Netflix and I've not touched it.

This has actually been a really therapeutic brain dump! I set out to just write and see what came out and I guess I wanted to write about stuff I don't talk about much or haven't mentioned yet. This is what life has looked like for me lately.

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